To All You Fakers Out There:

This post is to all you "perfectionists" out there who pretend to lead "perfect" lives and be "perfect" moms. I assure you life is much more fun if you just admit you're human and that you really just wade through life humbly admitting that you can't make it through a day without the grace God gives you. I often need to be re-reminded of my dependence on Him, so today I'm struggling not to fall asleep in this computer chair as I write about how today the Lord let me fall flat on my face (figuratively) as I dashed all hopes of being the "put-together" mom in Walmart. I know, I know, I should have given that image up a long time ago because there's something magical about walking through those glass sliding doors that make kids go CRAZY and moms LOOSE it entirely. Here was my day: I got up, got kids fed and dressed, packed our bag full of infant diapers and extra underwear,threw on my gym clothes, and hauled everyone out the door to make it to my 8:45 aerobics class. Jackson complained the whole way to the gym that he wanted to wear his pajamas instead of the clothes I put on him, and he was NOT going to use the potty today. I tried my best to "jam out," using motions and all, to little kid Jesus songs to get him in a better mood. It worked; he was in a better mood, but I, of course, did not make it in time for the class. After leaving the gym, the dreaded weekly grocery trip to Walmart was next. I put Callie in her baby carrier in the big part of the buggy and Jackson in the kid seat at the front. As we enter the doors, I make a beeline to the bathroom so J-man can empty his bladder and keep his underwear dry. He says he doesn't want to use the potty as he proceeds to sweep his hands all over the nasty Walmart toilet to find the flush button. I make him try to pee as Callie is beginning to whine in her seat on the dirty bathroom floor. We make it out of the bathroom without getting communicable diseases, and I throw essential groceries in the already full cart. We are at the back of the store about 20 mins into the trip, and Jackson yells, "Gotta go potty!" But I look at him and there's a steady stream of pee sliding down the front of the buggy onto the floor. It's too late- he's had an accident. Ok, so I speedily push past the puddle of pee and tell him he's gotta sit in his wet underwear until we're done shopping. I'm not angry, and I hold in my frustration. And yes, I'm so sorry Walmart shoppers, I left my son's puddle of pee in the floor on aisle 12 near the bottled water. So steer clear... We finish shopping, and as I'm pushing up to check out, he pees AGAIN making a BIG puddle of yellow right in front of the cashier. I nervously smile, and say, "He just peed, you may want to call the clean-up crew." Now, I'm mad. I take a deep breath get him out of the buggy to stand dripping beside me. I then realize I left my wallet in the car, so I drag a whining, wet toddler out to my car and ask the sweet little Walmart cashier to watch Callie, now peacefully sleeping in the buggy. I know, I know not smart to leave the baby with a stranger, but I'm desperate to get out fast. I race back in to pay, as the Walmart custodian is wheeling up to the puddle for the clean up. Jackson doesn't seem embarrassed or sorry that he peed in front of all of Madison, MS, so I ask the custodian for a wad of paper towels and make Jackson wipe up his own pee puddle. He willingly does a typical 2 year old clean up job. Then I make him tell the custodian he's sorry for peeing on the floor and next time he'll use the potty. The cashier is laughing and the custodian looks sympathetically at Jackson probably feeling sorry for him that he has to go home with me. The magic sliding glass doors open and close behind us, and we made it out alive...barely. It's now 1:00 and none of us has eaten lunch. My stomach is grumbling, and I hear Jackson digging in a Walmart bag trying to get to the Chex Mix box in the back seat. Callie starts to scream now that she's awake and hungry. Here are some pictures of what we looked like when we got home:)

Notice he's torn into the Chex Mix box and his crotch is soaked.

This is my strategy for potty training while around the house: pantless

Jackson continued to have three more accidents throughout the rest of the day. The last one being on Stephen and my couch, which is luckily leather and wipeable. After the last accident, I started to tear up and cry out of frustration, and I raised my voice at him. But he then informed me, "Don't talk loud to Jackson, Mommy, Baby Callie's sleeping." I am about to throw in the towel on this whole potty training thing if tomorrow is as disastrous as today. So, all of you who supposedly have perfect lives with perfect children...you are faking it. I just know it. Stop pretending and join in real life with me and admit, share, and eventually laugh about your struggles. It makes life more fun.

Birth Story

Well, it's happened AGAIN! I've gotten lazy with keeping up the blog, so I'm LONG overdue for an updated post. So much has happend since last August when I posted last, so I'm going to back WAY up and begin with the biggest transition for our family in the past year- Callie's birth. I have lots of good hospital pictures to come:) so keep reading. I'll start with my 29 week doctor's appointment. As you've read in an earlier post, I had a somewhat abnormal sonogram at our 18 week appointment. The doctor was worried that my placenta was reaching out and attaching to my uterus and potentially attaching to another organ like my bladder, so a normal birth would be out of the question. BUT at the 29 week appointment I had 3 specialists at UMC look again, and they found nothing abnormal. All the months of praying and trying not to dwell on the fact that this could be my last pregnancy, was over. YAY! My placenta miraculously looked normal, and it was located high and out of the way for normal delivery. My hopes for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after a C-section) became a reality again. The rest of the pregancy was easy sailing until the last three days... The success rates for VBACs were much higher as long as I went into labor on my own- no induction. So, at 39 1/2 weeks I began to explore all natural methods of making labor happen. I even went to the gym and ran like a mad woman on the treadmill letting my big, fat belly bounce ahead of me. All the men in the gym started eyeing me nervously and one guy even advised me to slow down and wanted to know if I had my doctor's number on speed dial. Callie was due on Christmas Day, which fell on a Sunday, but I did not want to be sitting in the hospital and miss Jackson's first Christmas where he understood some of the Christmas season's significance. So, starting the Monday before Christmas, I began having contractions. They weren't bad enough to go to the hospital, and they were very irregular. But they were bad enough to jerk me awake throughout the night. I remember wanting some regularity and severity just so I could know the pain was making progress. I would get up and walk the length of our little rental house in North Jackson trying to spur some sort of consistency. Then, Tuesday night we had my mom spend the night in case we had to go to the hospital but again no consistency but still pain enough to prevent sleep. By this time I was exhausted and went ahead to the hospital to beg for admission. I checked in the Wiser ER and was checked out, but they sent me home to continue to labor and make more progress. That night Stephen and I made a last ditch effort and went walking in the misty rain around Dogwood outdoor mall. We actually had fun walking and talking and getting some alone time before Callie came. The next morning I walked through the neighborhood pushing Jackson in the stroller, and BANG I felt some severe contractions about 5 mins apart. I drove myself to the hospital at about 10:00 a.m. while my mom stayed with Jackson. I didn't want to call Stephen at work until I knew this time was for real. Luckily Dr. Shiflett was on duty at the hospital that day and met me in the ER and said, "Let's have a baby today!" I was already 4 cm along after 2 1/2 days of labor at home, so she had pity on me and gave me a low, slow dose of pitocin to help contractions become consistent. Then they broke my water and gave me an epidural at about 5-6 cm, but the epidural only "took" on one side, so I was riding the waves of labor on my left side while my right side was completely "dead". They gave me another dose of anesthesia, and I tried one more thing before the birth. I laid on my right side trying to get the meds to drain over and give me some relief. It worked! About 30 mins before I started pushing I experienced sweet relief. It was oh so wonderful. The actual birth was such a special experience. It was way less stressful than Jackson's breech c-section. Dr. Shiflett and my nurse were so encouraging and compassionate. Stephen was super supportive and made me feel very loved. It only took 16 mins. of active labor to meet our precious Callie. With tears in my eyes, I got to hold her right after the birth. As soon as I met her, her calm, laid back personality was apparent. Granted, I have Jackson, who is SUPER active, as a comparison, but she barely cried and was content to be cuddled. She was 8 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. We had a great stay at UMC and got to take her home on Friday, so I got an early Christmas present and was able to spend Christmas at home with my little family. Here are some special pictures of Callie at the hospital with family.

Callie is now 5 months old! So I have lots more updates coming soon.

Summer Happenings and Baby Girl's NAME

As we have finally settled into somewhat of a routine, I am getting used to this whole "stay-at-home" mom thing. Although, contrary to its title we never "stay at home" all day. Jackson likes to go and do just like me, so I try to use the mornings through around lunch time to run errands and take him to the park, swimming, museum, friends' houses, etc. His little personality is so vibrant. He talks nonstop, but I usually only understand about two words out of the gibberish he rambles out in the backseat:) He is finally getting the concept of being mommy's "helper." He LOVES to help me take out the trash, "fold" or wad up clean clothes, put the soap in the washing machine, and "load" the dishwasher. I'm really glad he wants to help and all, but when I tell him to pick up toys and blocks all over the floor, he obeys and begins, but sneaks out of the room while I'm doing most of the work. As far as discipline goes, he is truly a sensitive boy. It doesn't take much of a spank on the hand or leg to get his attention, but most of the time all I have to say is "no," and he almost always obeys. We have gone through a few day spurts of defiance, but he NEVER tells me "NO!" when he's corrected. His defiance is more of a stubborn yet quiet obstinance. He simply ignores me as I shout for him NOT to stop and sit down in the middle of the parking lot. He just sits and acts like I'm not saying anything until I run over and jerk him up, so the cars won't run over him. If he doesn't want to come when I call him, he acts as if he can't hear me until I come over and make him look at me in the face and hold my hand. I guess I need to count my blessings that so far he doesn't smart back. I know, I know, you're thinking just wait til he's a teenager...

Most days he is happy, content, and loving. He enjoys snuggling with me as we watch his beloved show "melmo." He likes giving hugs, but his kisses are pretty much reserved for his mommy. His personality can be classified so far as sweet, sensitive, and very busy and active. He is inquisitive and listens intently when I read or tell stories. He then "reads" the books back to me and is usually on target, if not with key words, with hand motions or sound effects:)

Two weeks ago, we went to the new children's museum. It is a kid's wonderland full of hands-on activities and playhouses. I met my grandmother there. Everything was going great until about 30 minutes into the museum when I lost him. I was waiting on a bench at the end of a slide that came down from a big playhouse. He never came down the slide, and I didn't realize there were multiple other exits! With every passing second that I searched my heart pounded harder and harder. I finally had to ask some of the workers to look for him, and to my utter embarrassment, they announced over the loud speaker "code blue-red headed boy with orange polo!" After only about three minutes, a worker found him tagging along with another family with a little boy about his age on a whole different story of the museum!!! How the heck did my barely 18 month old get so far so quick??? He wasn't even phased and didn't know he was lost. After that, I didn't leave his side. If I had to crawl through tiny playhouses, I would. There is no "casually visiting with friends" at the children's museum. I noticed other mom's giving me judgmental stares...and that made me feel like a horribly irresponsible mom. I don't even have two kids yet, and I can't keep up with my one. What's in store for me??? Will I be confined to my house with the more kids I have?

Last week, my mom turned 50 years old! My dad and I threw a big surprise birthday party, and I made two big strawberry cakes with homemade cream cheese icing. They were delicious! About twenty friends and family members came to my parent's house and ate supper. As soon as I get in the door, Jackson takes off chasing my parent's dogs and giving everyone hugs. I honestly don't think I laid eyes on him until the party started to dwindle. This might sound bad, but I trusted every single person at that party to keep an eye out for him and entertain him. Someone was always holding him, playing with him, or feeding him from his or her plate. I love it when I'm in company who is trustworthy and not easily offended if my son grabs a chip off their plate or takes a sip of their iced tea. He just feels comfortable around these friends he's grown up around at my parent's house. I'm so thankful for these friends. If you are reading this, thank you for loving my child. It makes me feel loved by you!

Just a few days ago, I had the scare of a lifetime. Almost as bad as losing Jackson at the museum. I was vacuuming the den, when a live, slithery, black snake attacked the vacuum cleaner out from under the love seat. I was horrified, dropped the vacuum (still running), grabbed Jackson, and in bare feet screaming ran to the neighbor's house to call my dad. Of course, Stephen wasn't home, and I couldn't get him on the phone, so thankfully my dad was in the area. The little old man who lives across the street came over with a broom to confine the snake under the love seat until dad could get there to kill it. I refused to return to my house until it was gone. Jackson never even saw it, thankfully. He just thought I was crazy for screaming all the way across the street:) Stephen cracked up when he got home, and now tells me that garden snakes like that nest and have babies, so I have discreetly been overly conscious of the dark corners behind furniture and the refrigerator. I've asked him to check under our bed every night for the past three nights before going to sleep. I think he just likes to torture me...

Jackson and I have also gone swimming a lot this summer at my Nanny's house. He associates Nanny's house with "pool." I bought him some arm floaties, and he is fearless in the water. He'll jump off the side to someone, he'll try and follow me to the deep end doggy paddling all by himself with floaties on. My little fish will be swimming unassisted by next summer, I'm sure. No paying for swim lessons for this baby. He's a natural! I'm so impressed with his progress and willingness to try even if he does get big mouthfuls of water that make him gag. He just goes in for more.

Since moving to Jackson, we've been attending Madison Heights Presbyterian Church. It has been such a blessing to our family. It is a small church plant that meets in a school in Madison, MS. The church preaches the non-watered down version of the gospel, and unapologetically addresses our problem of sin and our desperate need for God's grace. I'm so glad that we found this church. We are slowly making friends and finding ways to get involved and serve. It's exciting to find a body of believers that seriously takes on the call to disciple each other and spur each other towards righteousness through the Holy Spirit enlightening minds through the study of the Word of God. Today, we are going to a church-wide outdoor family fun festival. I will post pictures of the kiddie pools and water slides soon.

Last but not least, this little girl, Caroline (Callie) Grace Huwe growing inside me is getting BIGGER! I feel her move all the time now that I'm 20 weeks along. Pregnancy's been fairly easy; just a little more tired than usual. I haven't been sick, but occasionally will be slightly "campy." I'm due on Christmas Day!!! But with the potential for placental complications (refer to earlier post), I'm thinking my Dr. will schedule a c-section a little earlier than Christmas. Keep praying that my body will continue to be a healthy place for baby "Callie" to grow, and that I will get to keep my uterus for future potential pregnancies. I've come to terms with the possibility of not being able to carry another baby in the future, although God is stirring in my heart a certainty that He isn't finished adding to our family after Callie is born. I'll update more on that later. But for now...Caroline Grace Huwe is growing. I'm excited to get to know and love another baby like I love Jackson. It's crazy how special a mother's love and bond is for her child. I'm so thankful that God's given me the job of being a mother. There's nothing better!

Long Lost Blog

It's pretty sad when you put off posting on all that's happening in life because you've forgotten your google account password that goes with your expired work e-mail, so you can't get access to a new password. Well, tonight I finally guessed the right password! So here I am, blogging again, and boy do I have a ton to tell!

When I last posted, our house was for sale, teaching was winding down, and we were packing for the move to Jackson, MS. Now, we've officially moved, sold our house, and are renting an old house just minutes from Stephen's new job. The house is just what we need for now because of it's great location.



Stephen works really long days including a few hours on Saturdays, so sometimes he graces Jackson and I with his presence by dropping in for lunch at home. He comes home gushing over how much he enjoys his new job. Although he feels pressure to bill a strict amount of hours each day, he seems to soak up all the research he's doing for different cases. I have to brag, he's a pretty smart guy, and it is so encouraging to see all his hard law school studying pay off as he does a job he loves. We are so thankful for his job and the great guys he's working with. His personality just seems to "fit in" with the firm. We both will tell you quickly that the Lord provided this job and thankfully placed Stephen with people who care about respectfully and ethically upholding the law. This firm does no ambulance chasing. As the law job market is extremely tight these days, we are blessed beyond measure for him to even have a job, much less a job that seems to be a perfect fit.

Now, on to our exciting news...we are expecting baby Huwe #2! I am now almost 19 weeks along, and we found out that this baby is a sweet little GIRL! I was really hoping for a girl, but I was too scared to get my hopes up, so I just convinced myself it would be a boy. For days before the sonogram, I was giddy with excitement. As I laid back on the table, and the nurse squirted the jelly stuff on my belly, I was sweating with anticipation. It didn't take long at all to know she is a girl. I feel very blessed to be going to University of MS Medical Center because I felt like I got 4 sonograms all in one sitting! Two different doctor's came in to review my sonogram as well as two fellows. They were very thorough, and examined every part of the baby and the surrounding uterus. She measured just perfect, and we got some really cool pictures of her looking right at us! We can even see her eyeballs wide awake looking straight at the camera.





After the last doctor came in to review the sonogram, I noticed they all focused the camera on the dark spots surrounding the baby. Finally, the doctor explained that they are worried that my placenta is growing into the uterine wall that lines my bladder. Usually, the placenta is smooshed against the uterus but comes out easily after the birth. If the placenta grows into the uterus and significantly attaches, then I will have to have a repeat c-section (was hoping to have a VBAC) so they can make sure to get all the placenta out, and possibly a hysterectomy after the birth:( Stephen and I were both a little shocked at this possibility because we didn't think the option of baby #3 would be completely out of the question. We are really praying hard that the placenta doesn't attach to the uterus, and all will be normal. I will have another sono at 28 weeks, and we will know more for sure then. A lot of emotions go into the thought of being 27 and having no uterus to carry a baby. I've been praying that the Lord would give me a peace and confidence that he will take care of me, and if He wants baby Huwe #3 to be a part of our family, He will provide a way (whether through adoption or biological birth).

For now, "excited" doesn't even describe what I feel about having this next baby. This go round, I know what to expect with no sleep, nursing adjustments, and changing diapers. I'm just ready to meet her. We've already got a name picked out...but you'll just have to wait til the next post to find out:)

Thanks for your prayers!

Movers and Shakers

I know its been almost two months since I blogged last. Life has been a bit of a blur lately. I have been working hard to close out the school year with a bang. My sweet students keep me enjoying what I do every day. I am going to miss them so much next year! But on the other hand, I know I am missing out on so much that Jackson is learning and doing every day. I am so ready to be able to stay at home with him next year! Granted, I will be taking some Ph.D. classes, but it will be very part-time. His little personality is so evident lately as he develops more and more of a vocabulary. I am amazed at how many words he can say. I mean, maybe I'm just a proud mamma, but he has a good 25 to 30 word vocabulary now.

Here are some of his favorite words to repeat throughout the day:
1. "Nack" (snack)
2. "baba" (cup)
3. "HOT!" (when the microwave beeps)
4. "boom" (broom)
5. "meeeh!" (music)
6. "out!" (outside- and he opens the door himself)
7. "car"
8. "tank oo" (thank you)
9. "night night" (for his lovey bear he sleeps with)

He can also follow simple one-step directions (when he wants to). His favorite toy is his little red push car. If I would let him, he would push the car up and down the sidewalk and yell, "Chaaaase!" who is the little boy who lives up the street and comes out to play sometimes. Chase is around 10 years old, but Jackson looks up to him and tries to climb on his "big boy bike" and ride. Jackson is extremely social. He waves and says, "hey!" to everyone we pass in the grocery store or at the gym. He also has a crazy obsession with music. I've never seen anything like it. He is FASCINATED with "Dancing with the Stars," and tries his best to copy what the professionals do. It is so darn cute! The minute his butt hits the car seat, he yells for the music. He's actually a pretty good dancer. He gets his shoulders moving up and down while he sways to the beat and fake snaps his fingers. When I rock him before bed at night, if I don't sing, he does. I can't make out any real words much less the song, but he belts out sweet blah blahs until his eyes close. One more thing specific to Jackson- he's a fixer/fiddler. He's amazed with any trinket that fits together or comes apart. He will sit forever trying to figure out how to screw on a top to a bottle or put leggos together to fit exactly right. He loves buttons and has figured out how the DVD player and the remote control work. He squeals when he's pressed the DVD open/close button for the fiftieth time. It's going to break one of these days.

Well, that is an update on Jackson, but as far as Stephen and I go. We are trying to prepare for moving to Jackson, MS. Our house is on the market for a little while longer, so we are praying someone will love our house as much as we do. We are also, keeping our eyes peeled for descent rental property around the Jackson area. We are both ready to move and get settled somewhere we know we will be for awhile. It seems like we just moved to Oxford, and now we are leaving. We're sad but ready to be closer to my family and our friends. Stephen is officially an attorney now. He has completed all coursework, passed the bar exam, and has been sworn in as a MS attorney! YAY! He graduates in only 1 more week! I am so very proud of his hard work, and I'm glad it' over.
This blog post is no deep thinking, just a simple update on what's up with our family. More to come in the coming weeks as school winds down....I promise there will be some good posts.

Big-Headed

The Lord has been showing me how big-headed I really am. While whirling away on the eliptical machine at the gym yesterday, I was in deep thought about what I should do about a job for next year. As many of you know, we are moving back to Jackson, MS so that Stephen can begin his new job as an attorney. I went in for an interview for an AMAZING part time job at Mississippi College teaching international students in their Intensive English Program, and I got the job! I was so blown away that I got the job that I didn't even really stop and ask God what he wanted me to do. So for the last week God's slowly been showing me how truly big-headed and pig-headed I really am. You know that feeling of restlessness deep in your heart that makes your mind jump back and forth and feel so undecided? Well, that's been me for a week. Granted, my mind rarely slows down, so much so that I need a small glass of wine and a good, mindless T.V. show like The Bachelor to make me sleepy at night:) I've weighed my options of being a stay-at-home mom or taking the job, and I realized something horrible about myself. (I guess I've known it all along.) I'm scared half to death of not working because I define myself by what I can "accomplish." It's not about making money (cause I don't make much anyways), but it's about trusting God enough to take a step of faith and do what I think is best for my family even if that means declining something that is so dadgum appealing. I am not taking a side on this work or no work debate because I don't think there is one right answer for everyone. Some moms are good at juggling work life and have enough trustworthy help to invest in their family's well-being and happiness. Then some moms feel the call to stay home for a little while cleaning diapers, washing dishes, and picking up toys, and teaching their children all day. I've tried the full time work thing with little to no help from a spouse, and that's NOT for me. Call me weak or whatever.
So I've been praying for God to wipe away my big-headed attitude and show me how to define myself as his child. I finally have a growing peace about what I should do. I know that my busyness does not make my life more valuable to God, but at the same time, God made me a "goer" and a "doer." I am happy with a daily schedule and an intellectual challenge. So the Lord has called me to sacrificially love my family with a love with which he loves me. As I find out more and more about his immense love and holiness, I see more clearly how my God-given personality can fit into this "mommy" calling. I want to serve and teach my family, but I know that kids won't need me at home forever. So I am going to slowly keep my mind and skills sharp by going back to school part-time to get my doctorate degree. I can speed up or slow down when I need to. Call me crazy, but I need a little break from the diapers and feedings every once in a while! For all the rest of you that struggle with what to do with your life...join the club. Ask the Lord for guidance and don't be BIG-HEADED.

Writing On The Wall

I have to commend Stephen for being an awesome stay-at-home dad. He cooks, runs errands, keeps a toddler, and tries to keep the house picked up in case the realtor calls for a showing. BUT I came home to writing on the wall-literally! Jackson had found a pen and marked on the den wall along the walkway behind the couch. I guess we need to touch up the paint in the house anyways. Oh well...I'm sure it won't be the first time.

We've made it a routine at night to spend some time in the floor reading, so tonight mommy's book of choice was the "No No Book." I found this book at a bookstore when Jackson was just 6 months old and bought it because I thought it was so funny. The only text on each page is "No no" or "Yes yes". The pictures of the "No, No" stuff only crazy disobedient toddlers would do is all that is needed to tell the story. The consecutive page is "Yes Yes" stuff that only sweet obedient toddlers do. At the time, the comedy was that I thought my toddler will NEVER do any of the "No No" stuff. HA HA! The joke is on me. Jackson is very sweet, but he definitely has tried to sneak and eat food from my parents' dog bowl, throw food from his highchair, put toys in the toilet, and write on the wall. Ironically, he knows which page is the "No No" page and which is the "Yes Yes." He's smart, almost too smart. Sly but smart. Keeps life interesting.